Back in the Swing of Things
We are a family again. My quarantine is over and we’re officially back under the same roof.
Thankfully I never exhibited any symptoms during the last two weeks and I can exhale. We can resume our “normal” life, whatever that means these days.
When I walked into my in-law’s house to pick up my wife and my daughter I felt like I had been gone for years. Dramatic? Maybe. But two weeks out of only 4 months of life is a huge fraction to not be present for.
In such a small amount of time she’s already thicker in the cheeks, belly, legs, and arms. Her hair is coming in a little more. She feels longer and a few of her onesies that were a good fit before I sent them away now barely fit her or don’t at all! She is more attentive, more vocal, she GIGGLES now, and she can pick up her little stuffed animal (and chew on it ).
These changes may be minor, but when you’re absent, they’re major.
My paranoia regarding Covid-19 has motivated me to want to turn our entire home into a “clean room”. That being said I’ve spent this past week disinfecting and sanitizing every square inch to guarantee (as much as possible) that my girls will be returning to a safe place.
Now that we are back together again, life can resume. We can get back to the duties and roles we’ve organically taken ownership of and gravitated towards.
I couldn’t be happier prepping bottles, changing the babe, whipping up a quick dinner, sweeping and mopping and doing laundry for the family, taking the trash out, etc etc etc. Many chores and responsibilities are shared between us and we will go back and forth when/as needed. My wife will be a little more baby duty heavy as far as nap time, bed time rituals, baths, and night time feeding. I have leaned towards home related chores, or clean up duty for the babe when needed if she erupts (from one end or another 🤢).
These tasks were never truly discussed, we just sort of fell into them.
Should we have discussed this? Or should we be discussing this periodically as life changes? Is the division of work fair or unfair? Are certain chores more important than others and should be shared where as others may be inconsequential and it’s irrelevant who completes them?
I’d love for you (the reader) to write us and tell us about how you and your partner divide your parental and home related chores and responsibilities and why.
Dads, does your spouse trust you with the family shopping? Are you allowed to dress your kid, or does your spouse just shake her head when you slap on an outfit? Do you do feedings and changings as a team to have all hands on deck or do you take turns to relieve one another from feeling handcuffed to an eternity of diaper duty comparable to the fate of Sisyphus.
If you are NOT a parent, but would like to have a kid, what are your thoughts on who should do what and why? Are there certain “lanes” each parent should stay in based on biology, sex, or gender, or is parenting a freeway with multiple lanes that all get used by both drivers?
Along those same lines, does gender or sex determine roles and responsibilities at all anymore? Are they unavoidable due to societally decided expectations or does that hold no relevance in application anymore?
I want to be clear that despite developing our own system of parenting and role division, I acknowledge there are a million other ways we could be doing this. I also want to remind you all that I write this weekly article not only to chronicle my journey as a father, but to share and learn with and from you all as well.
I think what matters most in this fraternity of Dad hood is that we strive to raise our children with their health, happiness, and development at the center of what motivates all of our actions. We must work to support each other regardless of our differences because our neighbor’s children are our future as well. Your impact as a parent doesn’t end with what you do with your own child. In fact, I don’t believe It doesn’t end at all.
-Shayne Mckinney
