Essential

It’s been a week since my wife and our baby have been home.

No they didn’t leave me. I know at times I can be a handful but that has nothing to do with it at the moment. As painful as it is to say, I sent them away.

As I’ve mentioned before. I work for an industrial laundry company and right now in the current quarantine encouraged climate in the United States, that means I’m in the HIGH RISK category for contracting Covid-19.

Everyday I go to work, I take that risk. Clothes, linen, and floor mats used by people from all over San Diego county circulate through my plant every day. A hundred thousand plus pounds of it a week. To put that volume into perspective we could fill up a swimming pool up with all that dirty laundry.

During an unprecedented time like we are experiencing today, that should tell you no human being should be anywhere near any of that stuff.

Our government has told us to STAY HOME.  We are supposed to wear gloves at all times when away from our home. We are supposed to sanitize everything we touch, and ourselves after we touch seemingly everything. We aren’t supposed to make any kind of physical contact with other people outside our home.  Not only am I supposed to do the opposite of all that at work, but I’ve essentially dived right in to that “pool” of dirty laundry head first. I had to spend hours sorting through said dirty laundry, myself.

Because of that, my risk factor for contracting this virus has risen a great deal. And because of that I had to send my family away to protect them.

My baby is getting close to four months old. Right now I’m missing precious moments that I’ll never get back. I haven’t rocked her to sleep in a week. I haven’t played with her. I have been able to read her a book. I haven’t fed her or burped her or changed her diaper. I haven’t had a chance to tell her I’m her daddy and I’m her papa over and over to get her to say my name first when she starts talking down the road. I haven’t had a conversation with her to listen to her just coo and ramble on nonsensically and make spit bubbles. I haven’t had the chance to just hold her, love her, and soak in the moment.

These might be moments I may have taken for granted a week ago, but now I would trade the world for.

I can’t risk my wife and baby getting infected, and whether or not I end up having it, I have to proceed with caution. I know in my heart, when/if all this passes it will be better to look back with gratitude that I played it smart instead of throwing caution to the wind.

After almost a week of separation we met for a “socially distanced” lunch in her parents backyard. She was staying there so it made sense for me to come to her seeing as how they had the space outside to have interaction without touching or worrying about spreading anything. It felt great to see her. I was so excited to spend time with her and the baby. And it was great.  It was also uncomfortable. Knowing I shouldn’t even touch them was a tangible element that couldn’t be ignored. I couldn’t appreciate the moments any more, but not being able to even cradle my little girl’s head with my hand, or sit side by side with my wife was painful.

We agreed that meeting up in the middle was totally worth it but also made the 2 week period even more difficult. Back to our nightly FaceTime dates we will resume until they can come home this upcoming weekend.

I want to believe life will be normal soon, and at least a week from now we will be together again. I can resume my daddy duties of diaper changing, bottle making, feeding, and loving on her.

If nothing else this crazy reality we are all living right now is beginning to teach us or remind us of(especially me) some valuable lessons about what’s truly important in life. I realized I will never get back the moments. I must proactively and consciously soak in what I can in all aspects of fatherhood as often as possible. I shouldn’t ever take anything for granted.

There are a few sectors still considered “essential” during this pandemic that must come to work in order for society to continue to move along and I work in one of them. I’m proud to be apart of a group that is helping the cause, and aiding in the effort to keep society afloat. I can only imagine how difficult it’s been for those parents out there that were both laid off or put on furlough by their current employers during this time. Luckily only one of us essentially has been so far. I’m grateful it wasn’t both. But that doesn’t exactly make everything easier.

We will continue to navigate the current situation we are globally participating in as the events unfold. We will do our best to be positive and proactively play the hand that we’ve been dealt as a community. As a family, all we can do is react and adjust as necessary. We must put into perspective that it’s always going to be motivated by what is best for our child, even if that means sacrificing being in their life for any extended amount of time.

-Shayne McKinney