Life’s Happy Accident

Bob Ross said, “We don’t make mistakes, we have happy accidents”, truer words could not be said when my fiancé and I discovered we were pregnant.

My fiancé, Evelyn, who is without a doubt the greatest thing to come into my life. I am being serious; she is the motivating factor that had me wanting to get into school and be the best possible “me” that I could be for her. She is a planner. She plans every detail of every event of everything in her life.

I’m not kidding.

In school she had a calendar with every homework assignment, every quiz, exam, etc. all filled out for every course and each color coded depending on the assignment or quiz. She still makes planners for her patient schedules for work as well. I have always respected her desire to push herself and put in those long hours of study and work. It is part of what attracted me most, her tenacity and refusal to give up.

I am very different from that. Do not get me wrong, I will always push to be the best I can be, and I will work hard for what I want in life, but I can be more easy going, and go with the flow. I try to make the most out of any twist and turn. Even still, finding out we were expecting was like sitting on a fastball and then the nastiest of curve balls came dropping in the zone.

Evelyn, initially, had a tough time with the realization. You have to understand, while I am working full time and taking night classes, that is nothing compared to what she is facing. At the time, she was in one of the most demanding Dental Hygiene programs in the region. The requirements and pressure put on the students was absolutely other worldly.

Pregnancy in general is difficult, plain and simple. Carrying a child is strenuous. Couple that with also needing to perform at her very best day in and day out, study, practice injections and instrumentation, recruit patients to fulfill program requirements, oh, and don’t forget to also still work while she is still physically able to.

Absolute madness.

She is facing a mountain. Everest might as well be staring her down. Not to mention she was also elected class president, so she has those extra duties on top of everything else. To say it would be an arduous journey would be a vast understatement.

But life doesn’t care. This is where we are now. We just found out we’re pregnant and nothing was going to change that.

Evelyn and I are very pro-life. Whether you agree or not, it does not matter. We both knew immediately that we were having this child. There was never one iota of a second where we considered any other alternatives. Just like Bob Ross said, “only happy accidents”. We knew the pregnancy was an accident. We also know a child is a blessing.

Now to tell the family, and what a ride that is sure to be.

My mother is definitely not the most traditional. My Father and Evelyn’s parents are a whole different story. Telling the family, for the most part, is going to be a difficult process. While the news clearly came as a shock, it gave way to excitement and love. I know that is not what every person/couple in our situation has received and for that we know we are blessed to be surrounded by the family we have.

Now comes the time where we begin to prepare, both as a couple and as individuals. I remember my Mom getting me the book “The Expectant Father”. I poured into it. I wanted to know every facet and detail that was available to me. Like I had mentioned before, I did not have the run of the mill childhood. I moved around a lot so I was determined, from day one, to make sure my child has the absolute best possible life I am able to provide In my mind I am looking to give my child the exact life I had always dreamed of growing up, and the most important thing that it started with was stability. I wanted to provide easier access to opportunity for my child, something I was not always fortunate to have.

Of course, there were also doubts in my mind. Doubts, mainly about myself. I feared, above all, failing as a father. I had nights where I wouldn’t sleep because I was thinking of how many times, I had made mistakes in life. I had doubts about my overall temperament. I was worried I was doomed to fail the same way you hear about the statistics of children of divorced parents repeating the same cycle, or children who were subject to abusive relationships doing the same thing themselves as parents. I was fearful that my general lack of patience would hinder me being a good father and lead me down the same path I came from.

I asked myself how could I possibly be the best father that I want to be?

I guess it was just about me sitting and asking myself the proper questions. I realized that I clearly care this much and have put this much energy into worrying, and I reasoned that you don’t worry this much if you don’t care. I came to the conclusion then that I have everything I need, and that is the knowledge that whatever father I become is based purely on my decisions. No past memory or experience defines me. Sure, they all shaped me, some for the good some for the bad. All of them were learning experiences though. No matter the memory, all of them taught me how to properly, or improperly, manage a situation.

I spoke with Evelyn and shared my fears and she assured me that these are just that, fears, and not in any way true. She reminded me I can make my own decisions and choose how I want to be as a father through my actions. Can I mention again how lucky I am to have found Evelyn? I mean I can’t even say how fortunate I am to have met her, because she is on the exact same mission I am on. She feels the exact same way. She also realized her fears but knew her ability and her goals. Those goals being the same as mine. To give our child the very best there is to offer. So now we set forth to do the only thing we can do.

Be the best damn parents we can be, and face this pregnancy head on, together.

-Brandon Morales