Welcome Home

Written by: Shayne McKinney

Pack ‘n’ play? ☑️
Bassinet? ☑️
Bassinet sheets? ☑️
Swaddle blankets? ☑️
Burp cloths? ☑️
Crib? ☑️
Crib sheets? ☑️
Bottles? ☑️
Bottle warmer? ☑️
Baby Wipes? ☑️
Diapers? ☑️
Thermometer? ☑️
Nail clippers and file? ☑️
Baby oil? ☑️
Lotion? ☑️
Onesies? ☑️
Socks? ☑️
Beanies? ☑️
Pants? ☑️
Bouncer? ☑️
Stroller? ☑️
Car seat? ☑️


...I’ll stop there because that’s just a basic list with most essentials covered. There were some items sold every where  for baby readiness that we felt were a little “extra” that we opted against listing on registries or purchasing for ourselves. Some wise advice I read in “So You’re Going to be a Dad” by Peter Downey propelled us to prepare with common sense: “if you’re grandparents wouldn’t recognize it, then you probably won’t need it.” Regardless, we felt more confident that this whole baby thing was going to be much easier being that we were stocked, locked, and ready to go. How could we not be!? We checked all the boxes!

FOOLS!

You can prep. for nine (or more) months and still feel at a total and complete loss when you arrive home from the hospital with your sweet babe. I will say though that it’s better to be over prepared than under, so if you have a parasite/baby on the way, opt for the safer route. At the very least you’ll have the essentials instead of having to resort to swaddling you’re kid in your used bath towel or  feeding them with a turkey baster. If it weren’t for my wife, I probably would have thought these were reasonable options.

On the way home from the hospital we discussed our check list and hyped each other up with pseudo-confidence that  “WE. GOT. THIS.” We pulled in our parking spot at home and unloaded the heathen. Time to cross the threshold of our home sweet home and start this chapter.

A false sense of security is difficult to recognize, but that is what we were lulled into during the first couple weeks. Our little girl had a healthy dose of jaundice at birth causing her to look a light shade of yellow. As much as I’d like to tell my wife her Japanese roots caused the coloring, that was not “medically true” or whatever.

If you are unfamiliar with the term, “jaundice”, don’t be alarmed, it’s very common in babies. It can cause yellowing of the skin and eyes and the kid will defecate yellow as well. There is definitely different levels of such from hardly present to severe. Wherever your kid might fall on the scale, if you’re highly concerned, ask your pediatrician for more info and they will soothe your worries. Aside from the visible symptoms, your baby can also be lethargic, sleep more than they should, and have a tough time breastfeeding.  Our kid had the coloring, the discolored poop, was lethargic, AND struggled with feeding occasionally, falling asleep mid-feeding.

This lethargy and sleepiness lowered our defenses.

“She’s so easy!”
“What a cute sleepy baby!”
“Look how calm she is!”

FOOLS!

🤦🏻‍♂️

With a healthy schedule of bowel movements and some sun light exposure each day,  the Jaundice will usually lessen little by little until it’s gone.

While that process was taking place during her couple weeks at home, we adjusted to this new life. Luckily we were both able to take baby bonding leave from work (her for 3 months and I took just under a month).

Team work, initiated!

When envisioning “baby leave”, I dreamt of quality time with my wife, holding our newborn, singing her songs, reading her books, and endlessly snuggling our bundle of joy. Visions of Gerber baby adds cemented in my mind and a false confidence that the mere sound of my voice would soothe any level tantrum fueled me. I was so naive.

Getting into a groove caring for the babe was a learning process. We had a rough draft, but applying theory to the real world was stressful. 

My wife became as she said “a cow” who “was milked” every two hours — her words not mine, people. You don’t need to take ‘Husbandry 101’ to know comparing your wife to an animal of the bovine persuasion is a poor choice and may affect your life expectancy.

I became her waiter/busboy.

“Can I get you more water?”
“Are you hungry? What can I make you?”
“I’ll sweep the floors, don’t worry about it.”
“Let me get you more burp cloths.”
“Coffee?”
“Here, let me wipe that down, for you.”

Rinse and repeat endlessly. I hope you don’t take that as me seeing these as troublesome or annoying chores. I love my wife and our baby and sometimes the small tasks put together equal a huge level of support. I not only felt obligated but had a deep desire to make her life as easy as possible while being the all-you-can-eat-any-time-any-place food source for our little one.

It was overwhelming enough trying to keep up with the baby’s needs, the household chores, keeping myself in good mental and physical health, and trying to be strong for my wife during the tough times early on.

What amplified all things related to the care of oneself and another (especially someone who is completely helpless) is sleep. We were probably averaging 3-5 hours of sleep a day during the first month. Our strategy was to alternate our biggest chunk of slumber at night so one could sleep while the other was with the baby in the living room. We figured it was smart for us to at least get SOME sleep, even if it’s not together. That way we could operate with SOME degree of safety, common sense, patience, reason, and focus. Why should both of us be up all the time until we no longer contain any of the aforementioned characteristics?

This sort of worked.

There were still moments when I came out to the living room after taking my sleep shift and discovered the two loves of my life in a tear soaked pile. Both of them frustrated, overwhelmed, exhausted, hungry, and defeated.  All I could do in that moment was hold my wife and tell “her things will get better” and “everything will be alright”.

“It shouldn’t be this hard!” She would exclaim  through a broken voice. I had to keep reminding her it affected her so deeply because she cared at an immeasurable level. Being “good” at parenting an infant isn’t measured by how easy it was, but rather by the continual commitment to the healthy development of the child.
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Rachel, I cant imagine another person on this planet that I would rather have raising our baby. No one will ever be as connected to and love our child more than you. I’d like to say we’re tied, but the fact that you carried her and delivered her gives you a slight edge.
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I often felt the same as they did in those futile moments. If my wife, who actually HAD experience with babies, was having a tough time, I knew I was in for a rough ride.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” Erupted from my mouth as I ran out of ideas on how to soothe this inconsolable creature. An old friend provided me with wisdom from years past that I’ve come to use as a mantra (Thanks to my wife for reminding me about this, like she does with everything else), “the person with the most energy wins.” 

So I persevere. I push forward. I shake off the tears and screams and keep my eyes on the goal:  to keep this baby healthy and happy at all costs. After all, her existence is now more important to me than my own.

-Shayne McKinney